The Trial

Too long since I've last posted. Life's just been really out of it lately. Well the good thing is, I'm on my winter break. After Christmas, I'm gonna try to enjoy the free time. And just to note, today marks the beginning of something crazy.

Below a song from James.

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong.
So here I go.

Hello, hello.

There is no place I cannot go.
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?
I lose the track that loses me, so here I go. (A-huhuhu)

And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me.
So I set out to cut myself and here I go. (A-huhuhu)

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me a reason but don't give me a choice
'Cause I'll just to make the same mistake again. (A-huhuhu)

And maybe someday we will meet and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises 'cause there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go. (A-huhuhu)

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me a reason but don't give me a choice
'Cause I'll just to make the same mistake,
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me a reason but don't give me a choice
'Cause I'll just to make the same mistake again. (A-huhuhu)

Saw the world turning in my sheets. (A-huhuhu)
And once again I cannot sleep. (A-huhuhu)
Walk out the door and up the street. (A-huhuhu)
Look at the stars. (A-huhuhu)
Look at the stars fall down. (A-huhuhu)
And wonder where did I go wrong.

The Worst Things in Life Come Free to Us

It's been hard to get in a post these days. Not because there's a lack of things in my head to write about, no. It's cause I have too many things on my mind. Finals are next week, I have one presentation and two exams. Which means I won't be able to rest easy until Thursday. And hey Dear, I also haven't forgotten about you. I'll like to keep telling you how sorry I am for being so stupid. If you noticed, I've held back on saying so much cause I know that no word apologies will ever make up for what I did. I don't even think anything can but I'll do my best that I can.

Posting an unrelated song, just cause too empty.

Song of The Week: I Want You- Lotte Kestner

Oh my baby baby
I want you so it scares me to death
I can't say anymore than "I love you"
Everything else is a waste of breath

I want you
You've had your fun you don't get well no more
I want you
Your fingernails go dragging down the wall
I want you
I woke up and one of us was crying
I want you
You said "little girl I do believe you're dying"
I want you
If you need a second opinion as you seem to do these days
You can look in my eyes and you can count the ways
I want you
Rob from always on the run is so bad and copy paste is a sin
I want you
Did you mean to tell me but seem to forget
I want you
Since when were you so generously inarticulate
I want you
It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for
It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for
It's knowing that she knows you now after only guessing
It's the thought of her undressing you or you undressing
She tossed some tattered compliment your way
I want you
And you were fool enough to love it when she said
"I want you"
"I want you"

I want you
The truth can't hurt you it's just like the dark
It scares you witless
But in time you see things clear and stark
I want you
Go on and hurt me then we'll let it drop
I want you
I'm afraid I won't know where to stop
I'm not ashamed to say I cried for you
I want you

I want you
I might as well be useless for all it means to you
I want you
You've had your fun you don't get well no more
I want you
No-one else wants you could want you more
I want you
Every night when I go off to bed
And when I wake up
I want you

I want you
I'm going to say it once again 'til I instill it
I know I'm going to feel this way until you kill it

"You're On Your Own"

When your own parents turn you down, the very two people who gave birth to you, you feel as if the entire world gives up on you. I wonder what it is you're trying to teach me. 

What lesson is your girl to learn from reaching out to others, when she still can't stand on her feet.

"A bird may love a fish monsieur, but where would they live? Just as the Moon may love the Sun, but could never meet together in the sky. Just as an Angel may love a Demon, but would forever be separated by the expanse of earth between Heaven and Hell. Just as a Flame may love the Rain, but could never survive in the very presence of its beloved lest it risk his own fire and his very existence. Just as a Man might love an Immortal Being, but would deteriorate within the grasps of time whereas the Immortal being doomed to infinite existence. Just as a Hero may love his Villain, but could not fulfill his duty without killing his rival.

And so, my love for you is like this. A love unable to coexist, an absurd love, a condemned and impossible love."

                                                 -HiddenPolaris

The Instrument of Peace

Ukuleles are such amazing instruments for being just four stringed. My two favorite uke players are Kalei Gamiao and Jake Shimabukuro. Those two have inspired me to get one of my own. I haven't got one yet, but hopefully sometime next year I can start jamming on one. I'm posting up some awesome solo pieces by them.

It's The Possibility That Keeps Me Going, Not The Guarantee

I get depressed sometimes with thoughts. It's illogical, I know I still have a hard time trusting. 
  I wished I felt more secured in your arms. 
The things you say don't completely make me feel that way. They can momentarily make me feel better but they're not the right words. Not the right ones... 

Long Way

I got a job yesterday. It'll be my second employment in my life. I feel both relieved yet also not at the same time. The part time work will really help for next semester's tuition as I don't have much saved up for it. That's really the main reason why I've been frantically looking for a job the past weeks, I'm glad I got one before fall semester was over. But work is work and it's still gonna suck.