Lighten up, everything will be alright.

“Grow up with me.

Let’s run in fields and fear the dark together
Fall off swings and burn special things
And both play outside in bad weather

Let’s eat badly
Let’s watch adults drink wine and laugh at their idiocy
Let’s sit in the back of the car,
Making eye contact with strangers driving past
Making them uncomfortable
Not caring, not swearing, don’t fuck.

Let’s both reclaim our superpowers
The ones we all have and lose with our milk teeth
The ability not to fear social awkwardness
To panic when locked in the cellar
Still sure there’s something down there
And while picking from pillows each feather
Let’s both stay away from the edge of the bed
Forcing us closer together

Let’s sit in public, with ice cream all over both our faces
Sticking our tongues out at passers by
Let’s cry
Let’s swim
Let’s everything

Let’s not find it funny lest someone falls over
Classical music is boring
Poetry baffles us both
There’s nothing that’s said is what’s meant
Plays are long, tiresome, sullen and filled
With hours that could be spent rolling down hills
And grazing our knees on cement

Let’s hear stories and both lose our innocence
Learn about parents and forgiveness
Death and morality
Kindness and art
Thus losing both of our innocent hearts
But at least we won’t do it apart.

Grow up with me.”

-Keaton Henson

The absence of things, usually a bad sign isn't it. Especially when the question asked just requires a yes or no answer.

Keaton Henson- Lying to You

I can see in your eyes that you mean it
I can feel in your arms that its true
And I know i just heard myself say it
But baby im lying to you.
Baby im lying to you.

And all of these years youve been lonely
Knowing not what you should do.
No you are right, Ive been looking as well.
Babe Im not looking for you.
Babe Im not looking for you.

And Im just as damn disappointed as you,
Only I just do better to hide it.
And one thing that keeps me from falling for you.
Is Im truly alone and I like it,
Yeah Im truly alone and I like it.

And as we lie in bed I feel lonely.
Oh young I feel 80 years old.
And your arms around me, keeping me warm.
Baby Im still feeling cold,
Baby Im still feeling cold.

Girl you must know you are lovely.
You're kind and you're beautiful too.
And I feel in some way I do love you.
Babe im not in love with you.
Babe im not in love with you.

It may seem strange that I still stay with you,
If its true youre not really the one.
And why do I just keep on looking for... her.
Cause once I found her and now she is gone,
Once I found her and now she is gone,
I found her and now she is gone.

Spring is Near

I was gonna write about this yesterday, just didn't get the chance to get online. Interestingly a hummingbird decided to make a nest and lay eggs on a lemon tree in my backyard. It's so cute, the eggs are soooo small. As you can see on the second pic, the entire nest is about the size of a lemon so you can imagine how tiny the eggs are. The mom's so territorial, it frighteningly buzzes over you when you get close to the nest. As if it's gonna lunge it's thin beak into your neck. I wonder if I could be able to take pics of the babies when they hatch. 

Song of the Week: Fulare Pad- Tokonatsu

My friend decided to draw a picture of me and some friends today after class. The one above is of me. Lol, I don't look half as cool as that but I sure like her drawing style. 

First Time

I bought a book today at the bookstore. Spent hours just picking one. I really wonder how you even begin to start at choosing. It's called The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai. The brief summary on the back cover looked interesting but besides that, it was really more of a random pick. I'm pretty sure it'll be a good read.

At the bookstore, I noticed a particular song being played. It's strange, because I wouldn't think that would ever get played anywhere in any retail stores here. It's a distinctive piano piece from the soundtrack of the Korean drama Winter Sonata, called "First Time". And man, did it bring back memories. 

I finally hear from you. But I guess I just always waste your time. Or at least it feels that way. 

Fuck it, you don't even care. Don't pretend like you will. Ever.
Oh and another thing. I still hate you.

unparalleled love....unparalleled pain....

like two sides of a river,
parallel running rails,
never meeting ends of sea,
we walked on never meeting trails

parallel worlds that exist together
of gods and humans, perfections and imperfections
two sides of a coin, assurances and hesitations
we couldn't be together amongst acceptances and rejections

we started together but travelled aloof
we held our hands, it wasn't adorned
my soliloquy, you engrossed in other thoughts
meeting of eyes could only see barren roads

rekindling the dead, revive to die again
reunite distant souls, stench of lingering pain
intertwined fingers, choking breath
grandeur of our love, now overwhelming bane

-the fallen poet

Song of the Week: Skinny Love- Birdy

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My my my - my my my - my my my my - my my ...
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My my my - my my my - my my my my - my my ...
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My my my - my my my - my my my - my my ...
Sullen load is full so slow on the split

I told you to be patient I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted then who the hell was I?
Cause now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you? who will fight?
And who will fall, far behind?

Come on skinny love
My my my - my my my - my my my - my my ...

Come on skinny love
My my my - my my my - my my my - my my ...

I want to say "this is my road" with confidence. Have faith in myself, without looking back and ever regretting my choices. 
I want to walk like that.

Ponder Angst

It's a habit.

Letters To You

Dear Mister Scarf Man,

You're running, always running. In the broadest of daylight public, on the sidewalks of the most busiest streets. Distances that would make me seem lazy driving to school. You've kept at it, even through rain and the freezing temperatures of winter that I dislike so much. It's been years I've seen you run. Back before I left the city, back when I was a runner too. I really admire your energy and continual determination. You make me want to go back to running again. 

Sincerly,

A random girl who drives past you sometimes